I used to think of myself as creative with writing, until I didn't sell but one book to my uncle.
I thought that I knew about computers, but all I know is surfing the Internet: even though I type 50 words/minute with 100% accuracy and code at 100% accuracy.
I had three different part time jobs for eight years at a U., as a super and my whole health issue, which requires work keeping frequent, monthly appointments charged to insurance at $369/hr. according to billing.
Then, I hung myself due to seemingly irreconcilable differences even unto this day between myself and a broad spectrum of people in my life: relatives, acquaintances, co-workers to strangers in the community where I live.
Now, I sit at home all day, surf the Internet, pretend to write something of interest to others (but not judging from how many books I've sold), smoke, drink, sleep and eat going out of the house as seldom as possible.
I cannot think of one viable talent that I have which could earn a living wage or if it is possible for me to pry myself away from my pets and writing at home to work at anything else.
A list of jobs that I've been paid to do as of 40 years old is: painting, florist, demolition, construction, data tech, tutor, valet, super, dishwasher, landscaper, delivery, clown, mover, telemarketer, volunteer, driver and model.
"My eyes are rich, but my hands are poor; I've seen many variations, but I don't have any skills."
I have a broad base of general self education, the which I endeavor in writing having read for a period of years until surfeit with reading so that I now write, but ultimately: I have no skill set(s) in writing or anything else to earn a living within parameters of most organizations due to my limitations as a diagnosed schizophrenic and all that "schizophrenia" entails.
Somehow, I suspect a greater paradigm is at work against my success at anything due to my diagnosis of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia and all that it entails robs me everyday of a slew of positivity replaced by negativity both within my thinking and popular culture thinking about "schizophrenia" and about people diagnosed with it.
It is as if I am expected to be an autonomous person in that nothing that others do or say affects my well being or outlook due to my diagnosis and anything can be said or done to me with impunity.
I can't be what ten people tell me to be, so I sit at home and write about woe is me with my pets as company while the Philharmonic plays a symphony aired over a frequency in my efficiency.
Can anyone blame me? Is it my fault that I find myself here today at the keyboard? Was I born to vegetate or cut a person off incurring curses or else did I wake up just today to be maligned, criticized and lambasted back to my efficiency as a conditioned recluse?
I thought that I knew about computers, but all I know is surfing the Internet: even though I type 50 words/minute with 100% accuracy and code at 100% accuracy.
I had three different part time jobs for eight years at a U., as a super and my whole health issue, which requires work keeping frequent, monthly appointments charged to insurance at $369/hr. according to billing.
Then, I hung myself due to seemingly irreconcilable differences even unto this day between myself and a broad spectrum of people in my life: relatives, acquaintances, co-workers to strangers in the community where I live.
Now, I sit at home all day, surf the Internet, pretend to write something of interest to others (but not judging from how many books I've sold), smoke, drink, sleep and eat going out of the house as seldom as possible.
I cannot think of one viable talent that I have which could earn a living wage or if it is possible for me to pry myself away from my pets and writing at home to work at anything else.
A list of jobs that I've been paid to do as of 40 years old is: painting, florist, demolition, construction, data tech, tutor, valet, super, dishwasher, landscaper, delivery, clown, mover, telemarketer, volunteer, driver and model.
"My eyes are rich, but my hands are poor; I've seen many variations, but I don't have any skills."
I have a broad base of general self education, the which I endeavor in writing having read for a period of years until surfeit with reading so that I now write, but ultimately: I have no skill set(s) in writing or anything else to earn a living within parameters of most organizations due to my limitations as a diagnosed schizophrenic and all that "schizophrenia" entails.
Somehow, I suspect a greater paradigm is at work against my success at anything due to my diagnosis of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia and all that it entails robs me everyday of a slew of positivity replaced by negativity both within my thinking and popular culture thinking about "schizophrenia" and about people diagnosed with it.
It is as if I am expected to be an autonomous person in that nothing that others do or say affects my well being or outlook due to my diagnosis and anything can be said or done to me with impunity.
I can't be what ten people tell me to be, so I sit at home and write about woe is me with my pets as company while the Philharmonic plays a symphony aired over a frequency in my efficiency.
Can anyone blame me? Is it my fault that I find myself here today at the keyboard? Was I born to vegetate or cut a person off incurring curses or else did I wake up just today to be maligned, criticized and lambasted back to my efficiency as a conditioned recluse?
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