I was drinking a root beer from a brown paper bag on the street in Portland, ME on the day of the Boston marathon dressed as a clown. Someone called police. Said I'd be easy to find.
My wife took a shower and was indecently exposing herself in front of me. I called 9-11 for the number to sex-anon.
I put $2 in a Camp Sunshine jar at a pizza restaurant on 202 and River Rd. in Maine and took a Camp Sunshine placard. The store owner called the police. Fall 2002.
I left my change in the leave a penny take a penny and the 7-11 clerk threatened to call the police. Said all he had to do was make one phone call to police, give them my license and vehicle make and that police would hold me up at gun point when all I did was leave change in the leave a penny, take a penny. That was in the fall of 2012. I remember that it was the same clerk at that 7-11 in 2007 when that 7-11 had coin dispensaries at the registers who took change out of the coin dispensary left by the guy in front of me out the door already after paying and the clerk says that he loves it when they leave their change: pocketing it.
I was eating a bowl of cereal on my back porch back and my girlfriend at the time called the police on me. Fall 2002.
I was sitting in my Crazy Creek Chair waiting for my vehicle to be serviced at the mechanic and somebody called the police. Policeman said dispatch said someone said that I looked passed out. Mechanic came out and told policeman to lay off, that they had my vehicle. March 1, 2013.
I dinged a guy at a restaurant with no painted lines in the lot and the guy called 9-11. Insurance said that they don't cover it because there were no painted lines. 2010.
I was dressed as a clown, crowing like a rooster and and tooting my own bike horn on a weekday morning in Portland, ME. Somebodies called the police. June 2001.
I had my headphones on listening to hard rock being vociferous in my apartment with my girlfriend. The neighbor called the police. June 26, 2012.
Some woman was breast feeding in public. First, I took pictures as evidence. Then, I called police.
The toilet overflowed at a shopping mall. I called mall security. They called 9-11 who put up police caution: do not enter tape and called in HazMat.
Some fat person said good morning to me. I called police. Too fat: might fall through grates on sidewalk.
Some guy with a big nose walked past me on the street today. I called police. Using too much oxygen!
The neighbor's cat was meowing too loud. I called police.
My wife farted in bed. I called police. I thought it was a gas leak. Police called HazMat.
I called a guy fat at the dog park. He left and called police who stopped me walking into my front door after driving home from the park suspecting that the guy had called police.
April 6, 2012 at 11:30PM
I stopped my vehicle and called a guy's kid in his front yard a "tree monster" because the kid held a big branch in his hands. The guy started running after my vehicle, got into his vehicle after I got out of there seeing him, chased me a short ways in his vehicle and apparently called police who stopped me at Rite Aid in town the next morning to inquire when I told the policeman that all I did was call the kid a tree monster because he was holding a branch. Policeman said that I could take my hands off his cruiser then. August 2000. And, can you imagine my hearing gossip around town about that man! He ended up divorced, no custody and shooting a Magnum 45 from his back porch into trees down the road at another house eventually.
Some kids broke into a rental apartment that I was renting while some of them were fucking over the landlord's chickens in the backyard holding an underage drinking party at the house, stealing the landlord's stereo and CD's and leaving me with a punch to the ribs when they would'nt leave the premises. I called police. Police told me not to call them anymore when they didn't find the kids who had hid when police arrived. July 4, 2001 @ 1AM.
My wife took a shower and was indecently exposing herself in front of me. I called 9-11 for the number to sex-anon.
I put $2 in a Camp Sunshine jar at a pizza restaurant on 202 and River Rd. in Maine and took a Camp Sunshine placard. The store owner called the police. Fall 2002.
I left my change in the leave a penny take a penny and the 7-11 clerk threatened to call the police. Said all he had to do was make one phone call to police, give them my license and vehicle make and that police would hold me up at gun point when all I did was leave change in the leave a penny, take a penny. That was in the fall of 2012. I remember that it was the same clerk at that 7-11 in 2007 when that 7-11 had coin dispensaries at the registers who took change out of the coin dispensary left by the guy in front of me out the door already after paying and the clerk says that he loves it when they leave their change: pocketing it.
I was eating a bowl of cereal on my back porch back and my girlfriend at the time called the police on me. Fall 2002.
I was sitting in my Crazy Creek Chair waiting for my vehicle to be serviced at the mechanic and somebody called the police. Policeman said dispatch said someone said that I looked passed out. Mechanic came out and told policeman to lay off, that they had my vehicle. March 1, 2013.
I dinged a guy at a restaurant with no painted lines in the lot and the guy called 9-11. Insurance said that they don't cover it because there were no painted lines. 2010.
I was dressed as a clown, crowing like a rooster and and tooting my own bike horn on a weekday morning in Portland, ME. Somebodies called the police. June 2001.
I had my headphones on listening to hard rock being vociferous in my apartment with my girlfriend. The neighbor called the police. June 26, 2012.
Some woman was breast feeding in public. First, I took pictures as evidence. Then, I called police.
The toilet overflowed at a shopping mall. I called mall security. They called 9-11 who put up police caution: do not enter tape and called in HazMat.
Some fat person said good morning to me. I called police. Too fat: might fall through grates on sidewalk.
Some guy with a big nose walked past me on the street today. I called police. Using too much oxygen!
The neighbor's cat was meowing too loud. I called police.
My wife farted in bed. I called police. I thought it was a gas leak. Police called HazMat.
I called a guy fat at the dog park. He left and called police who stopped me walking into my front door after driving home from the park suspecting that the guy had called police.
April 6, 2012 at 11:30PM
I stopped my vehicle and called a guy's kid in his front yard a "tree monster" because the kid held a big branch in his hands. The guy started running after my vehicle, got into his vehicle after I got out of there seeing him, chased me a short ways in his vehicle and apparently called police who stopped me at Rite Aid in town the next morning to inquire when I told the policeman that all I did was call the kid a tree monster because he was holding a branch. Policeman said that I could take my hands off his cruiser then. August 2000. And, can you imagine my hearing gossip around town about that man! He ended up divorced, no custody and shooting a Magnum 45 from his back porch into trees down the road at another house eventually.
Some kids broke into a rental apartment that I was renting while some of them were fucking over the landlord's chickens in the backyard holding an underage drinking party at the house, stealing the landlord's stereo and CD's and leaving me with a punch to the ribs when they would'nt leave the premises. I called police. Police told me not to call them anymore when they didn't find the kids who had hid when police arrived. July 4, 2001 @ 1AM.
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